The remedial and healthy efficaciousness of cycling has been well known for many years. The specific and particular prescription of the bicycle to medical conditions mental and physical is due to the pioneering work of Prof. Crevis Scowles known as
‘Dr. Bicycle.'(membership number 17011) He tackles everything from nausea to complete madness with astonishing results. The cyclist racing past you could have been one of his patients. Scowles maintains there is no ailment suffered by humans that cannot either be completely cured or benefit by the regular application of a bicycle. His research began in the 1930s at his mountain top surgery in the Austrian alps. His ground breaking discovery was that even his most seriously ill patients never returned for further treatment once launched on a bicycle towards the verdant green pastures of the valleys far below. From these early successes he developed a more subtle understanding of the fine balance between the human, the bicycle and the ailment.
Certain kinds of bicycle – finely tuned to the needs of a patient’s particular ailments, a tweak of ratios , an adjustment to frame angles, wheel clearance, riding position all had specific and definable effects. This branch of medical science is now further explored and practised by Scowles’s many pupils all over the world. Scowles himself is now a sprightly 125. He supervises many procedures and is still a keen cyclist but is (as he says) ‘going down hill fast.’
‘The durability of double butted steel with the single minded agenda of the most committed cyclist !’ is how 531 the indestructable robot cyclist was described by a man running down a supermarket aisle waving his arms in the air. Its origins are mysterious but is thought to have originally emerged from the Midlands (membership number 2302). 531 arrives without warning and leaves only devastation and awe. It seems oblivious to everyone and everything and completely content. Governments, local councils and residents associations gave up trying to stop the robot long ago. Misguided attempts to block his path with peaceful protests or by using various military solutions have all been miserable failures. Though still feared there has grown a sense of pride that he has passed through an area. The trail of destruction is almost a badge of honour. Something important has happened. If 531 passes through your community or house, be proud. It is rare to be in the presence of such simple clarity.
The famous 100 year distance challenge is perhaps the biggest test in cycling. The distance cycled over the period of one hundred years is measured and monitored by the Century Cycling Committee. There is currently no standing Century record distance as in previous attempts either the competing cyclist or an official quorum of the committee have not survived the contest. Ms. Chestnut Claybridge (membership number 14093 ) began her attempt on the 7th August 1926. A change in the Committee rules means that the authority can be passed on through the male or female line to a member’s children and, if necessary, grandchildren.
The Space cyclist Excelsior Bayliss (membership number 33011) began his extrarordinary career after the unexpected mothballing of the space project he led during the 1970s. His ambition to make cycling into space ‘as perfect as it is possible’ .
Despite being pooh-poohed after demonstrating the prototype, he had complete faith in his secret endless chain mechanism ( developed in collaboration with the Anti-Friction Ball Co.) Defying his detractors he continued to developed his machine, known as ‘Three Two One’, launching the Mk1. from his Winthorp air base. Commentator and pundit Brian Cheesman admitted ‘He had exceeded his own capabilities.’
Excelsior continues to confound and amaze with his space cycling antics. Space experts are still dumbfounded by his success. During the questions and answers section of his popular talk and demonstration at the 2006 E.C.C. conference and dance, Excelsior was asked, ‘What is your response to the all those scientists who claim that what you do on a bicycle is impossible?’ Excelsior replied with his usual good humour ‘ah, but it isn’t rocket science – it’s exciting cycling’ . No one quite knew what this meant but we know he is absolutely right.
Agent Folding is an undercover cyclist (membership number 20001). A secret cyclist whose bicycle based operations have always remained a complete mystery. His desperate adventures have intrigued members of both the security and cycling community. His identity has never been revealed to the general public but is known by a small circle of folding aficionados.
Eric Dawes and Evelyn Flambeau (membership number 27849 and 27850 ) are often innocent victims of a malicious intent. Anonymous forces pursue the two cyclists. Whoever they are, they find despicable ways of expressing and violently demonstrating unwieldy ire. The couple’s innocent cycling trips are as a consequence, riddled and peppered with unexpected incident. Every cycling ride becomes an almost fatally exciting experience. Our 2 courageous members remain undaunted and always uphold the finest traditions of cycling when they face unspeakable evil. Their motto: ‘ Never let unspeakable evil spoil a good ride.’
* full membership to the Exciting Cycling Club is by invitation only.
Applications for associate membership will be considered by the E.C.C. council of consideration steering committee . These decisions will be put to the current (and past) membership for a public vote and show of hands. The final decision confirmed at the annual membership council party by a ‘musical chairs’ process.
Associate members may or may not be invited to become exciting full members if ( by the final and arbitrary judgement of the chairman) they turn out to be exciting enough.